I thought I might take the opportunity this month to talk about the work involved in nurturing and strengthening relationships. Let’s face it relationship building is not just restricted to couples and families, it determines business success worldwide. The number one key aspect in building successful business is in the rapport building and maintaining loyalty in the relationships. If you are not hearing those you wish to have a successful relationship with, you can expect decrease in sales and customer satisfaction. So then why aren’t we looking at our own human relationships in this way. You see the human experience is a constant quest for harmony despite opposing forces. Relationship experiences do the same, they continue to shape our identity each time, where we fit, which part of us we are willing to show others. Everything we say or do is revealing a little of our “self” to others. I often say to couples the real relationship journey begins when one is willing to expose a little more of themselves each time, to express their hopes and fears in the relationship, without the fear of being judged. A willingness to remove the mask and let down their guard. At the heart of it all lies “Intimacy”. Our desire for happiness is ultimately a desire for intimacy, and until we are able to experience that, our hearts remain restless, irritable and discontented. Let me just deconstruct some beliefs about intimacy. When your partner wants you to be more intimate, they are not always asking for more sex. Sex does not guarantee intimacy. What they could be asking for is an authentic experience of feeling a deep closeness to another. Still unsure of what that is, why not ask the other person, then sit genuinely interested in the response to follow. Take time to think about your own experience of closeness and feeling cared for by someone. Note: it is normal for someone to have to return to their childhood at this point.
One of the key ingredients in maintaining relationships is sharing a “common purpose”. If you both agree that you will strive to support one another to be the best version of themselves, sharing an open and honest loving relationship as a long term vision, and care for each other in tough times, then this will be something you both aspire to achieve. It is imperative that each person in the relationship takes responsibility for working toward it themselves. Expecting the other person to make past hurt better is unrealistic, especially if they weren’t a part of that history. Self Acceptance is crucial to one’s own healing journey. If your partner tells you they don’t know how to help you, that may be the case in fact. All you can expect from the other person is to lend an empathetic ear and patience while they quietly support you in that journey.
Personal Challenges for improving relationships.
1. Love is a choice, Love is an act of the will, You can choose to love. Some people struggle with this, & based on their own history this could be normal and seeking help now may assist heal past hurt so you can take down the armour that needed to be there then, but could be the very thing stopping you from enjoying quality closeness.
2. Agree to make yourself/selves totally available to each other (no cellphones, facebook, tv, etc). Quality time.
3. Listen to each other well (without internal talk). For example, when he/she expresses how tired they are, don’t go comparing that with your day, just hear them out and stay available.
4. Give some thought to the chart on the left, first for yourself and then how you relate to others.
5. Need any further assistance in this journey don’t hesitate to seek support.
Call me if you need on 3455971. Huhana.